Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
