he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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