dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
