nutella sex= disaster
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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