Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
