i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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