He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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