In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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