not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
