And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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