I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
