and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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