Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Randomize
