yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
