Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Randomize
