bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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