im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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