it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
