just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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