I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I need water and some morals
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
