he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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