so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
