How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
