if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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