My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
