My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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