I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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