So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
