K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
