Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
