Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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