in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
