Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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