eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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