i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
