Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
