Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
