my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
