i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
