Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
