He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Randomize
