she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
