I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My friends, they love my intelligence
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
