Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
