Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
