I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
