member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
