No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
