The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
