Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
