For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
