is your mom at the bar?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i permit you to call me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
